Thursday, May 30, 2013

Embarking upon the Master Cleanse

This piece entitled "Fuck You and All Yo Bitches"

After asking my veganites what was on the menu, I got a plethora of responses, one of them being "Master Cleanse". I hadn't done one in a while and realized that I've been missing that element of myself since about December 2012. As a result, I gathered some facebook friends together to embark on a collective Master Cleanse. Here's what happened from my perspective.

Why we do the Master Cleanse and what each piece stands for 
(the brand of products you use is irrelevant. Just keep it as close to what you'll find in nature as possible):

The Master Cleanse is like cleaning out your septic system. If you're a meat eater, you can have pounds of rotting meat in your colon weighing you down and making your breath stink. If you're not a meat eater, you have less shit in your colon on a regular, but the system still needs to be cleaned out every once in a while. So let me explain the pieces:

Lemons: though acidic, they are alkaline in your body. They are like the disinfectant in your septic system.

Grade B Maple Syrup: since it's raw and natural, it contains all the nutrients your body needs for a day, in the proper dosage. So technically, you're not starving yourself. It's more of an inconvenience than anything because we're all used to over eating. It's like using healthy enzymes to help with the cleaning of your septic system.

Cayenne pepper: When you eat less food, your body temperature drops because your body isn't constantly producing heat by working to break down food. The pepper helps to keep you warm. It also has its own health benefits, but you can google those.

Water: Because hydration is also fundamental. It'll keep your organs functioning properly.

Saltwater or Smooth Move Tea: It helps to flush all the crap out of your system more efficiently. It's like the actual labor involved in cleaning out your septic system.

So this is why we do the Master Cleanse. Couple that with INTENTION and 1 hr of MEDITATION each day and you're on your way to a healthier you. YAY!

Day 1: Setting Intention.

Alright folks. It's going DOWNNNNN!!!!!!

Fast begins 7pm Thursday
Fast ends 7pm Sunday
1 hr of meditation each day

We will prepare our bodies from now until Thursday and Master Cleanse until Sunday. See this link for proper instructions

I'm replacing the saltwater flush with smooth move, but feel free to use salt. I prefer salt myself, but my gag reflexes just won't let me do it.

Also, as is necessary before going into ANY fast, decide on your INTENTION.

My intention with this fast is to strengthen relationship. What's your intention?

Meditation Tip #85778: recipe for anxiety relief:

Run a nice hot bath with lavender. Download this mp3 and play it on your iThing speakers while soaking:
Photo courtesy of
After a half hour, you won't know if you're asleep or awake! After an hour, you just might be in a coma. I don't know...I've never done an hour before. Try it and tell me if you died and came back. I'm gonna try it for an hour too and tell you what happened to me. :-)

#Intention: it'll keep you from going crazy.

Day 2: Fucking up. 
Part 2 of my confession by Blue (photo courtesy of

So, last night I had a rehearsal and demo recording session for Fuck That to get me 1 step closer to the magic that is the Boycott Christmas 2013 Tour. I fell off the wagon and had 2.5 bottles of MALT LIQUOR! CHEEYAH!

Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, except I'm starting the Master Cleanse tonight and having those toxins in my body is gonna make it that much harder. I was supposed to be prepping my body with fruit juices and veggies and all that shit. However, I'll eat good so that by 7pm tonight, I'll be ready to start this spicy lemonade enema.

But the rehearsal went REALLY well, so I have no regrets.


Meditation Tip #59368: Learn to allow.

If you find that random thoughts about that sale at JC Penny's is running through your mind, just let them, then let go of them. If you try to stop your wandering mind, you'll fixate on it and get mad that you're not a good meditator...which is bullshit. You're a great meditator. We all are. In fact, we're always meditating on something. It's your choice what you want to meditate on. Intention helps. Set your intention, sit down, be quiet, and be still.

In the words of the great Brother Ting, "Shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down, and be the fuck still."

See? Easy.

To be continued...